tuned in tuesday :: The universe doesn't give us any obstacles we weren't meant to overcome.
During my short time on earth I have come to learn a few mantras and techniques to get myself through seemingly impossible tough times. One reminder always seems to ring in my ears during the darkest moments. "The universe doesn't give us any obstacles we weren't meant to overcome." I know this sounds like hippie, granola BS, but sometimes faith is the only thing you have. What else do you tell yourself when you are 19, homeless, scared out of your mind, and none of your friends and family know that you've been spending your nights sleeping in a 24 hour donut shop? Because I have been there and my blind faith belief that I was meant to go through that hard time is the only thing that got me out of it. I thought I had hit rock bottom then. Little did I know that "rock bottom" takes on many forms.
When I was in that donut shop I would pray to whatever "higher power" was listening and tell them I couldn't take it anymore. I had just gotten out of a mentally and physically abusive relationship that lead me to feel worthless. I quit my job because I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't afford my basic needs anymore. I felt I had no one to talk to because a huge part of me wanted to stay with the abusive guy. I didn't want anyone to hate him. I didn't want to be a burden on anyone. The belief that I was meant to go through that trauma was the only thing that helped me get back on my feet. It wasn't easy and eventually I asked for help, but I kept the faith. I once heard that we have to conquer certain hardships to show others it can be done. I like that thought.
A week ago, I had a breakdown and I prayed to that same higher power from the donut shop. My problems look a lot different, but that feeling of helplessness is pretty much the same. Although I know I am extremely fortunate not be worried about basic needs or an abusive relationship, I still am experiencing pain. This past month has been extremely difficult. I have been losing sleep over the back to back punches the universe has thrown my way. I won't go into details, but trust me when I say, I've been having a rough one. Deep family issues, extreme work stress, and problems with friends have taken a toll. My depression and anxiety that I mask so well had me at rock bottom. I cried out loud alone in my room. No one was home so I took it as an opportunity to scream at God out loud something like, "I know the universe doesn't give me anything I can't handle, but this is too much. I swear, I can't take it anymore. One more thing is going to take me off the edge and I am about to give up." I stayed up all night and just prayed. I don't even know who I prayed to. Looking back now, maybe I was just praying to myself. Maybe Jesus. Maybe 2pac. Maybe I have an angel. I really don't know, but I lit candles and did some yoga. The next morning I woke up and got some fantastic news that didn't solve all my problems, but it was a sign that things were headed in the right direction.
I don't know what you're going through and I don't really know where I am going with this, except to remind you that you are not alone. Just keep waking up every morning and trying your best. If your best is just getting out of bed then that is okay and I'm proud of you. Life isn't easy. It's messy and can be dark. The mystery of it all can be overwhelming. During times of deep sadness, the belief that I was meant to go though it is the only thing that has kept me strong. I haven't written on my blog in a while because I haven't been happy. But that's life. We aren't always going to be 100% and thats completely normal. If I only share positivity, that is an inauthentic representation of my life. We all go through things and its okay to feel weak, but just remember you were meant to learn from whatever hardship you're facing. I hope that my transparency is refreshing or inspiring in someway. Thanks for reading xoxo.